No one begged her to stay. She didn’t really expect them too. Besides, she had already made up her mind. She chose defiance in the face of her struggles and no one would convince her she was making a wrong move. A girl has to watch out for herself after all, and that’s just what Hagar had decided to do. She’d been thinking about it for weeks. It had become harder and harder to live with Sarai. In fact, it had become unbearable and she decided she would be better off somewhere else, anywhere else but under the harsh hand of Sarai. So on the morning that it all fell apart, the morning she was pushed past her limit, she grabbed the provisions she’d been hiding and threw them into her bag and fled out of the tent into the unknown. Anger and frustration carried her for the first couple of days. It was almost easy to keep moving, to keep placing one foot in front of the other, as long as she pictured the face of her angry mistress in front of her. She’d never asked for any of this. It was all Sarai’s idea. She’d come to Hagar, pleading, begging that she consider being a wife to Abram. She spoke of some promised child and how she was obviously not going to be the one to deliver this child into the world. Then it had dawned on Sarai that right before her eyes God must be providing the solution. It made perfect sense. Hagar was young and healthy and the perfect candidate. The thought seemed to make Sarai so happy and Hagar liked to see her mistress pleased, so she said yes. When she first told Sarai that she was pregnant, Sarai seemed exuberant! She made sure that special meals were prepared and brought to Hagar’s tent. She shared her fragrant bath oils with Hagar. When Hagar’s belly grew and the baby began to move, Sarai would laugh with joy as she kept her hand on Hagar’s stomach. She’d felt joy herself. After all, this God of Abram’s had seen fit to bless her and she was delivering the Promised Child. She actually began to pity Sarai; the old woman who wasn’t fit to be used by her God it seemed. Now SHE was the chosen vessel, SHE was the surrogate to the Promise and yet Sarai still demanded that she do work as if she was still the handmaiden. It began to infuriate Hagar. How dare she? How dare she not acknowledge her new status? How dare she not realize as wife to Abram, she was just as important as Sarai. She could barely stand to be around mopey Sarai. She was just pitiful. The more Sarai yelled at her, the more Hagar determined to ignore her. She found herself mocking her to the other Egyptian handmaidens. That’s the morning it all fell apart. She had gone to see what the handmaidens were doing, after all, they were her people, her true friends. As they gathered around her, she began to mock Sarai. “Hagar, I need you to take my clothes to the river to wash them.” “Hagar, why aren’t you doing as I say?” “Hagar, listen to me!” “Hagar, I’ve gone to Abram about you and I will go again!” They were all laughing until they saw Sarai. She can still see her hateful eyes as she screamed in anger. She knew then that it was time to leave. It was never going to get better. She’d never be forgiven for what she’d done. Obviously neither she nor her child mattered, so why not leave? Now, as the sun beat mercilessly down on her, she was not so sure she’d made the right decision. She had finally outrun her anger and now she was in the middle of regret. She was hungry and thirsty and her feet felt heavy as if weighted down by all the months of abuse she’d suffered at the hands of Sarai. Then she heard it, the undeniable sound of running water. She stood still and closed her eyes. What direction was it coming from? There! She heard it again! It was to the left, behind her a bit. She retraced her angry steps and began to cut through the trees. The sound grew stronger and stronger and she almost wept for joy when she saw the water! She threw off her pack and unhindered she drank deeply from the stream. It was the best water she’d ever tasted! Her tears began to mingle with the ripples of water as she saw her reflection. She was almost unrecognizable. Her hair had fallen down in tangles and her face was swollen and red from days in the hot sun. How had she gotten here? What was going to happen to her? Then the next question came to her almost as if a voice was talking. “Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from and where are you going?” She’d never heard a voice like it before. It seemed to be truly concerned. And it seemed to call for a response. She found herself replying out loud, “I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress, Sarai.” Then the tears came again. She thought of the good days, when she had enjoyed being the handmaiden to Sarai. The conversations they had together as she brought the vegetables in from the garden. The times Sarai had told her the stories of the God they served and how He had delivered them and called them a chosen people. She’d sometimes imagined what it would be like to belong to this God. Was this the God speaking to her now? The voice was speaking again. “Return to your mistress and submit yourself under her hand.” Surely if this was the voice of Sarai’s God, He would not be leading her into more danger. Maybe she should consider what she’s saying. Her mind was racing yet her heart felt a strange sense of calm. The voice went on to promise that her descendants would be multiplied, that she would have a son and that she should call him Ishmael. It was so much information to take in and she fell on her face before this voice. She felt an overwhelming sense of love and peace come over her. She didn't want to move. All was quiet again except for the sound of the water being carried over rocks, but everything was different in her heart. She laid down on her back and turned her face to the sky. This time as the sun beat down on her, she felt only gratitude. Had He really seen her? Had the God of Abram found her in this wilderness place? Everything in her soul screamed YES! She sat up! YES! She was sure of it! Hadn’t he called her by name? Then in amazement she found herself saying, “You are the God Who Sees! Have I also seen Him who sees me?” And if He sees me today, she thought, He’ll see me tomorrow and the next day and the next! So if He’s told me to go back, then He will see me and protect me. I don’t have to be afraid. Hagar went to the stream once more to wash her face. As she gazed at her reflection again, she saw something new. It was a smile. She noticed the sun sparkling on the water around her face and it was as if she was surrounded by a thousand lights, or maybe a thousand angels? She picked up her bag and set her face towards home.
1 Comment
|
AuthorHi! I am Donna and I'm traveling. It's a journey to discover who I am in Christ every day....no looking back, face to the Son! Come join me! Archives
October 2017
Categories |